<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>don't let the words spill by tennssi</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25775578">don't let the words spill</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tennssi/pseuds/tennssi'>tennssi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:35:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25775578</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tennssi/pseuds/tennssi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Riku keeps his hand there for a few seconds longer, relishing in the feeling of being able to touch his brother like this.</p><p>When the new day begins and Tenn wakes up, Riku won’t be able to anymore.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kujou Ten/Nanase Riku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>don't let the words spill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> “Kiyoko-chan, if we could meet in the next life, what would you say to me?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Eh, what a tough question. Why do you ask?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Just because!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Hiroshi-kun, you’re so mysterious. Hm...Then, maybe… I’ll say -,” </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tenn is drunk. That itself is a surprise because his brother doesn’t typically drink, even after they’ve recently turned 20. It isn’t because he cannot hold his alcohol - like their mother, Tenn is rather heavyweight. It's because of a much simpler reason; he doesn’t like the taste. </p><p> </p><p>Tenn dislikes alcohol and yet on the rare occasions he does drink, he can hold his liquor pretty well.</p><p> </p><p>So how is it that now he’s hanging uselessly onto Riku as they stumble into their hotel room, giggling at nothing? Riku’s a little out of breath when he finally deposits Tenn onto the mattress, before he stumbles back onto his own bed beside Tenn’s. He loosens his own tie and tries to regain his breathing, all the while looking at his brother lying haphazardly on the bed.</p><p> </p><p>Tenn is quiet now. The lingering effects of the alcohol is finally wearing off and lulling him towards the verge of unconsciousness. Riku’s glad for it, in all honesty. Tenn had been surprisingly giggly and attached to Riku when he’s drunk and it does nothing to help calm down Riku’s rapidly beating heart.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re too much, Tenn-nii,” Riku sighs. He vows to steer Tenn away from alcohol at their next company party. Tenn would have avoided them himself anyway but now it makes Riku wonder why he had suddenly decided to drink this time around.</p><p> </p><p>Could it have been stress? Tenn <em> is </em>pretty busy these days, especially after he had been cast as the main hero of a really popular drama. The popularity had been in part due to Tenn’s own reputation as an idol, but it was also because the drama was adapted from an already famous manga, so needless to say, the attention on the drama is to be expected.</p><p> </p><p>Riku, of course, watches the drama faithfully. His brother as the male lead aside, the plot is really good. Tenn plays the role of Hiroshi, a reformed delinquent who now spends time recording his own songs in the small space of his apartment. He never releases these songs for reasons unknown, but one day, he decides to randomly play one of his songs on a whim during his part-time job, and it is there he meets Kiyoko - an aspiring music producer who dreams of someday debuting an artist under her guidance. </p><p> </p><p>Initially reluctant, Hiroshi finally allowed Kiyoko to become his producer, forming an awkward friendship which eventually bloomed into a tentative love. Over time, the audience eventually learns the truth behind the songs Hiroshi composed.</p><p> </p><p>They’re his last will. His final desperate attempt to prove that once upon a time, he’s alive, even if it’s not for very long. The audience finds out that Hiroshi inherited the disease that killed his mother, and will now kill him before he even reaches 25. He hasn’t told Kiyoko, but with his symptoms growing worse and his first live concert is near, the drama last left off where Hiroshi is finally about to tell Kiyoko the truth.</p><p> </p><p>Seeing Tenn act out his role as someone with a fatal disease perfectly had been a surreal experience. Riku remembers the fear that gripped his heart when Hiroshi first collapsed after a private recording session - how perfectly Tenn had mimicked the look of pain and acted weakened when Hiroshi woke up alone in the booth a few hours later. </p><p> </p><p>It was like looking into a mirror. And perhaps for Tenn, it was like re-enacting what he had endured for so many years as he watched Riku fight for his life when they were much younger. It was amazing as it was also guilt-inducing. The drama struck home to Riku, in more ways than one.</p><p> </p><p>Tenn stirs a little on the bed, but does not wake. He lets out a soft moan in his sleep, his fingers twitching and curling into nothing. He murmurs something that Riku could not quite make out. Riku smiles fondly, moving to sit on the bed, the mattress dipping slightly as he does. His hand brushes away the strands of hair from Tenn’s eyes before it presses against Tenn’s cheek. Tenn’s skin is warm from the effects of the alcohol and it feels nice to the touch. Riku keeps his hand there for a few seconds longer, relishing in the feeling of being able to touch his brother like this.</p><p> </p><p>When the new day begins and Tenn wakes up, Riku won’t be able to anymore.</p><p> </p><p>At least, nothing beyond the show of fanservice, or the times Tenn would grace him with a few headpats when they’re alone. But the former makes Riku’s heart twist in discomfort while the latter are now far and few in between. Their busy lives are one thing - another reason why Riku holds himself back from reaching out for his brother these days is because -</p><p> </p><p>There is something growing in his heart, and the more he allows himself to be comfortable around his brother - to give into the temptation to throw his arms around him or hold his hands or beaming at him whenever Riku sees Tenn, like the way he used to in the past -</p><p> </p><p>The more intense the feelings grow. The more intense it becomes, Riku fears that the ugly side of him will soon rear his head and push Tenn even further away from him. </p><p> </p><p>He could relate to Hiroshi. Just as his love for Kiyoko prevents him from telling the truth of his condition, Riku’s secret prevents him from really expressing his true self the way he would have wanted to. The difference between him and Hiroshi, however -</p><p> </p><p>Hiroshi could tell Kiyoko he loves her if he wants to. Riku could never.</p><p> </p><p>Riku’s fingers lightly trace the shape of Tenn’s lips - lightly, careful not to wake his brother.</p><p> </p><p>His older twin brother whom he loves beyond how siblings should love one another.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t know when it started;  the feelings had taken root in his heart so deeply by the time he realizes it’s there, to the point that even if he would endure the pain of forcefully uprooting such feelings, they will not budge. Like a stubborn weed Riku had ignored for too long, the feelings will not fade. No matter how much Riku tries to avoid Tenn. To avoid seeing him. To avoid touching him.</p><p> </p><p>To avoid <em> feeling </em>something towards him.</p><p> </p><p>Tenn had noticed. He would have eventually, anyway. Riku’s progression of distancing himself from Tenn is subtle but it’s still there. Riku cannot pretend to not notice the look of confusion Tenn gives him from time to time, mingled with what looks like sadness.</p><p> </p><p>A sadness that Riku caused and could not bring himself to stop.</p><p> </p><p>Even at the party they attended tonight, Riku had made every effort to not interact with Tenn for too long, because he knew if he allowed himself to bask himself in the good atmosphere of the party with the person he couldn’t help but to love when he <em> shouldn’t - </em></p><p> </p><p>The feelings would soon bubble over and Riku feared for what he would do when that happens.</p><p> </p><p>“Ri...ku…?”</p><p> </p><p>Tenn’s eyes are half-open, staring hazily at nothing at all. Riku could tell that he’s not quite awake, so he merely moves his fingers to press them gently against Tenn’s eyelids to coax his eyes close.</p><p> </p><p>“Shhh,” he says, “It’s just a dream, Tenn-nii. You’re having a pleasant dream.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm…” Tenn sighs again. “Riku….?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Tenn-nii?”</p><p> </p><p>Tenn furrows his brows, looking troubled even when asleep. “Do you….” </p><p> </p><p>Riku leans close to listen carefully to Tenn’s quiet murmurs. </p><p> </p><p>“...Hate...me?”</p><p> </p><p>Riku’s smile dips in the corners. Tenn’s slow breathing and the silence that follows after that question prove that he had fallen completely asleep again, so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway if Riku answered his question or not, but -</p><p> </p><p>But,</p><p> </p><p>He leans in closer; careful, hesitant, as if afraid that one touch and Tenn will open his eyes and see the ugly side of Riku who loves his own brother in a certain way -</p><p> </p><p>He presses his lips against Tenn’s. </p><p> </p><p>One second.</p><p> </p><p>Two seconds.</p><p> </p><p>Three.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls away. He’s glad he couldn’t see his expression. He isn’t sure if he wants to know what kind of face he is making right now as he moves his head to whisper into Tenn’s ear, even if his brother isn’t awake to hear his words.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t hate you, Tenn-nii. In fact, I…”</p><p> </p><p>Riku tries to smile.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m in love with you.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I’ll say I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow!” Kiyoko announces, smiling from eye to eye. “But I don’t need to wait for the next life to say that. I can say it to you now, Hiroshi-kun.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hiroshi smiles, hiding his trembling clenched fist in his jeans pocket. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Mm, yeah,” he agrees, “You’re right, Kiyoko-chan.” </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kudos/comments/bookmarks are appreciated and you can find me on Twitter at @tennssi0907 !</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>